I Scream, You Scream

So, Once Upon a Time, one of my boyfriend's friends told him that ice cream truck drivers are incredibly territorial. Apparently the guy had spent a summer back in the 80's or something, making some extra money with the family truck, and almost got knifed for intruding on someone else's turf. Each truck also has it's own jingle that plays, so you know when someone else is in the neighborhood, rather than your usual driver.

Because of this, my BF actively listens to the jingle when he hears a driver nearby, to see if it's our regular or an interloper, and tells me which it is (because I don't pay attention to this, but now I'm thinking I should). Whenever he hears a different jingle than normal, he gets all excited and starts talking about "shit's about to go down!", like we're about to be stuck in the middle of a gang war. It's hilarious.

Every time we talk about it, I start to picture ice cream truck drivers with body-guards, going into the ghettos, trolling for trouble, and I start to giggle. I can imagine the movie. He says it would be like "Gangs of New York", only all in white.

So, does anyone else have any stories like this? Is this still a thing? Have you had an ice cream man go missing? Inquiring minds want to know.

Electric Horses

Thanks to a video on Facebook, I've learned that Harley Davidson will start producing electric motorcylces. Can we just take a moment to talk about what a big deal this is??

Electric motorcycles and scooters are already being produced by California's Zero Motorcycles and Alta Motors, and of course, Germany's BMW and Italy's Energica among others. So why is THIS proposed electric motorcycle a big deal? None of these have the brand recognition of Harley Davidson. For many people, Harley Davidson IS the definition of motorcyle, much like Roller Blade is the definition of the in-line skate. And what defines Harley Davidson motorcylces? Loud pipes.

If you've ever heard one of your neighbors start up their Harley and tear down the street, you can still hear it in your mind right now. Electric motorcycles, like electric cars, are virtually silent when running. Harley Davidson, the iconic big, bad, in your face loud motorcycles, is changing one of the the things that define them.

According to what I've read, The move is a continuation of the 2014 Livewire project and is likely inspired by the sales of HD motorcycles being down in 2017. Millenials just aren't buying Harleys, and that generation of road warriors who did is aging out. It's starting with just one model. How well it sells is going to determine the future of motorcycle riding, I guarantee it. Once Harley Davidson is on board with electric, everyone, and maybe everything, will follow. Because Harley Davidson will make electric *cool*. No longer the domain of elitists, Harley Davidson will bring electric power to the masses of the rough and grumble. Harley's high price tag usually keeps their bikes out of most folk's budget, but not their dreams. This is the type of small (and yet HUGE) step, that can redefine the imagination of a generation. Just sayin'.

I'll be watching.

Gender Bending Time and Space

As I drink coffee (the elixer of life) out of my TARDIS mug, I scroll through my Facebook feed, watching it blow up with the reaction to today's reveal of the new Doctor on Doctor Who. Some people are elated that it's a woman, some are declaring that The Doctor is Dead and the show is ruined. This is my two cents on the subject.

First and foremost: The Doctor is a fictional character. Doctor Who is a form of entertainment. I watch it to be entertained, and I enjoy it because of the stories, the actions of the characters, and I believe in the type of hero The Doctor IS. The promise of the Doctor? "Never cowardly or cruel. Never give up. Never give in." The Doctor is a hero that saves people, saves the world, and sometimes saves the universe. Multiple universes even.

All of time and space - everything that ever was, or ever will be. The Doctor chooses companions to show this to, and helps others along the way. None of this is impacted one way or another by The Doctor's age, race, sexuality or gender. In fact, we've been shown multiple times that the nature of the Time Lord is fluid. Other Time Lords have been shown to swap gender or race upon regeneration, so why is it such an upheaval if The Doctor does it too? Seems like the sort of thing he'd do just to shake things up a bit, or pay homage to the now deceased (apparently) best friend, Missy/The Mistress/ The Master. The doctor's face has changed from old to young and back again several times now. Why is this such a big leap for people? It's always the same person. Who you are at the core, this isn't going to change.

I've always cared more about the writing. Make me feel, make me *believe* the story you're telling. And frankly, as a woman in my 40's, I relate more to the Doctor than the Companions. River Song and Missy were great, but they're pretty much *gone* now. When you're daydreaming about time travel, it helps to have an image to reference, someone you can relate to. Preferably not someone who is likely to be killed off, ditched, or otherwise left behind. It's nice to see that we, too, have a chance at being The Doctor.

On Birthdays and the Power of Suggestion

Every time I see a cup of instant ramen, I am reminded of the time I came home from work to find the house filled with smoke, my sister shouting “I told you! I told you!” and my little brother staring forlornly into the microwave.

You see, he had stuck the whole Styrofoam cup in there, still in its sealed plastic, to microwave it. Predictably, it started to smoke and melt and attempt to catch fire.

So, today, I’m pouring hot water into my own foam cup of ramen, thinking intently on this story, grinning my ass off… and caught myself putting the thing in the microwave. I was thinking about it so intensely, I started to do it myself – and I KNOW better.

Funny, right?

Except, well, what other stupid things are we doing, just because the thought has been planted in our head? Things we should KNOW better than to do?

Today my little brother turns 23 years old, and he’s long past the stage of cooking plastic in the microwave – I hope. He’s grown into a fine young man, and since I’m unable to really give him any gifts while he’s away in the Navy, I’m going to pass on some big-sisterly advice:

There will always be challenges, things you struggle to do, things you need to learn to survive. Keep at it. There will never be a day when you don’t have to check yourself, to make sure you’re on your right path.

Learn all you can, even if you do it wrong the first few times – because you’ll get it right eventually. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Believe in yourself, and that the outcome is worth it. Sooner or later, you’ll be able to make your own cup of noodles, and you’ll have all those great stories to tell about it and how you got there. Love you, bro.

Ho Ho Ho

Because it’s December, I thought I would talk a little about Santa, and why I think he’s kind of great.

One of the neatest things about Santa Claus, is that just about anyone could pick him out of a line-up. He’s got a variety of looks, from the classic Coca-Cola image to the Old World Father Christmas- but you always know it’s him. He’s known around the world. He’s LOVED around the world. I don’t know of anyone else with such a unifying presence, fictional or real. Pop Culture icons like Elvis, The Beatles and Michael Jackson had a big scope, but their memory disappears a little bit every year. Santa is still going strong. I think his biggest competitor is Mickey Mouse, but somehow I suspect The Ears are still behind The Beard. In fact, Santa is someone Mickey likes to dress up as for Christmas, because EVERYONE loves Santa Claus.

And Santa loves EVERYONE. Santa is FOR everyone. He doesn’t care about what religion you are or aren’t. He doesn’t care what color you are, what language you speak, how much money you have. All he cares about is if you’ve been Naughty or Nice. And you don’t need to see his list to know where you fall on it. You really don’t. And if you don’t make the Nice list, he believes in second chances. Because there’s always next year.

Santa is flexible. There’s white Santa, there’s black Santa there’s redneck Santa and centaur Santa. There’s Fashion Santa, and If you can imagine it, Santa has worn it, somewhere on the internet. And he’s still Santa. He speaks all languages, and can sign too. He’ll do whatever it takes to listen to you, and find out what you want for Christmas. If only more people took the trouble to learn to communicate with others so well.

And people DO, because they’re inspired by Santa’s example. There are millions of people in the world who take up the mantle of Santa, who put on that hat and beard and bring joy to the people around them. There’s a documentary I watched on Netflix recently, called “Becoming Santa” (2011), which gives you a great view of the journey one man took to be transformed into Santa Claus, and his first year appearing as him. There are Santa Schools. There’s Santa charities. There’s Santa Suit rental companies. There are websites dedicated to the folks who portray Santa , to support each other and share their experiences.

I only wish there was a female equivalent who had as much recognition. Sure, there’s Mrs. Claus (sometimes named Holly), but she seems to get far less of the Rock Star treatment Santa does. Right now, Elsa from Frozen seems to be filling that gap for a female Winter icon, but her fame will fade, too. Because nothing really holds a candle to Santa Claus. Oh, and there are women who dress up as Santa, too, because they know it.

We could certainly see Mrs. Claus step up and get more recognition in the future, or maybe another member of the Claus family, like a daughter. Because another great thing about Santa Claus? His mythology is continuously building! Every Christmas provides inspiration to creative minds across the world, and we tack new things on to Santa’s life and world, from Jack Skellington to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Elf. The Santa Clause. The Polar Express. Elf on a Shelf (though that one kind of hurts me). And no one minds that these editions keep growing. No one is saying “this is the one and only true Santa Claus story, none of the others count!”

I think that last bit is one of the best things, actually. It’s the part that really makes Santa Claus someone for everyone.

A Short Break (Pun Intended)

I originally wanted my next post to be a continuation of my house hunting/home buying experience, but I got real busy with the move and then on November 9th, I tripped while attempting to skim my new pool and broke my ankle. I fell face forward into the pool decking and threw up my arms to brace myself for impact – and damaged those a bit as well. For three days I couldn’t really use my arms at all, and I’m still in a cast for the ankle, but every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.

There are certain things you don’t pay any attention to until you HAVE to, and this experience has been a real eye-opener. Because it’s something I’m dealing with right now, I wanted to talk more about it. I’m very, very fortunate. I’m lucky I didn’t fall backwards and crack my skull. I’m lucky I didn’t actually break my arms, and they seem to be recovering nicely now. I’m lucky my boyfriend was home when this happened and was able to call 911 quickly, instead of lying on the ground for hours. Next to the ant trail. I’m lucky he lives with me and has been able to care for me during all this. But most of all, I’m lucky this is temporary.

You really don’t realize just how NOT handicapped accessible everything is, until you have to make it through on crutches or a wheelchair. I had to rent a knee scooter for work, because it’s such a long way to the back of my building and down the hallway to my office, that hobbling along on crutches was exhausting, painful and completely impractical. And believe me: you do NOT want to have to make that long, slow trek to the bathroom on crutches when you REALLY have to go because you were holding it in until your break. I’ve been told I need to put a horn on the thing, since I race down that hallway pretty quick sometimes.

Which brings me to this: Please, please, please, do NOT use the large bathroom stall unless you really need to, especially when all the other stalls are open. It may be 9 o’clock at night and most of the departments in the building are closed, but mine is not, and I can’t get my damn knee scooter into the little stalls. If you are using it, get out quickly - don’t sit in there and primp while I wait, and give me an “oh! Sorry!” when you come out. Jerk.

I notice all the rocks kicked onto the sidewalk from people who cross into the landscaping as a shortcut – the rocks that make my crutches and the scooter wheels skid. I pay real close attention to who opens doors for me, too. I notice who ignores me or looks away, who offers to hold an elevator or carry something for me, and those kind souls who wait while I trudge along, so that they can hold that door even though they’re so far ahead, because they saw me coming. This applies to the Uber drivers I had to use as well – who opened the door and got my crutches versus who let me manage it all on my own.

Since I broke my right ankle, I’m unable to drive, which is how I came to use Uber for the first time. Because I work second shift, my boyfriend is long gone to work before I have to go in and had to find another means. Fortunately he can pick me up, so I only have to pay one way. I have used traditional Taxis before, but I have a few friends who have used and driven for Uber, so I wanted to try it out. I have had to take it 5 times now, and only had the same driver twice. Every single time, they were at my door in about 6 minutes or less – it was awesome. And because you keep your card on file, there’s no worrying about whether you have enough cash on hand, or if they take credit cards. They pick you up, they drop you off, that’s it. The app was pretty easy to use and it’s been interesting to meet the different drivers. Some talk to me, some don’t. Some put me in the back, a couple let me ride up front. If you’re ever in a bind, I highly recommend it. I’ll write a separate blog about it someday.

And speaking of rides: the modes of transportation for those who need assistance are a joke, and awkward to use. Crutches kind of suck and need more padding. They rub up under your arm pits and after using them for a couple of days, I hurt in places that were fine when I started. I had a prescription for a wheelchair that I ended up not using, because the spaces in my house are just too narrow, nor would it have been very practical in the office, even when my arms weren’t hurting as much. Turning those suckers in tight spaces would not have been my idea of a good time. The knee scooter is a bit more flexible, but I’m a heavy girl, and out of shape. I have to hold my body in weird ways to balance properly while propelling myself with the left leg (far more exercise than you’d think). Plus, all my weight bearing down onto the top of my cast makes it dig into my leg, so I end up as tender in the shin as if I had rug burns. This means the next time I need to use it, it’s twice as uncomfortable.

I leave the scooter at my cubicle, because hauling it back and forth would be tricky with Ubering it, and I can’t find a way to carry it and my crutches. I have to use the crutches to and from the cubicle and my ride before and after work. This is a trick for another reason: trying to figure out how to carry my stuff with me. The scooter has a little basket at least, but I have learned to fit my coffee and water cups into my Steam Crow “Monster Search & Rescue” bag that has a strap I can sling over my other shoulder so it’s across my body like a messenger bag. Hurray for impulse nerd-gear purchases! I also have a lunch bag with a similar strap, so with the two at once, I look like some deranged human pack-mule.

I am so glad I’m pushing forty and no longer care about what people think I look like. For an insecure teenager, this would have been hell. For me, it’s just mostly annoying.

I’ve also come into more contact with doctors and nurses than I have in years, and my perception is still the same: most of them are overpriced and not nearly as helpful as they should be. The whole system is completely disorganized. My 7 hours waiting in the ER is a whole other rant. I do want to give props to the response team who hauled my fat ass to the hospital though, even if they did spell my name wrong.

I want to give props to my poor boyfriend, too, who has had to endure dealing with all of this beside me, at my beck and call, when what he had originally planned to do is play Fallout 4 nonstop. He’s had to do things to help me that I’m sure he never imagined he would. For that, I’m sorry. Thank you.

For everyone who has helped me, thank you. I do notice. I do appreciate it. Your kindness and consideration is what restores my hope for human beings in a chaotic world filled with antipathy. For some of you, I know that you see the little courtesies as basic common human behavior and can’t imagine anyone acting differently. But they do. You shine like a lone star in a dark night. Thank you for being you.

Things I've Learned So Far

Things you need to prepare yourself for when you're buying a house for the first time:

1. You're going to be too excited to sleep.
I'm talking little kid on Christmas Eve, night before going to Disneyland, teenager getting their first car kind of sleepless excitement. This means your judgement is going to be shit for those first few house showings.

2. You'll consider living in neighborhoods you would normally be afraid to drive through.
At some point you will probably consider square footage per dollar to be more important than your family's safety. A good realtor will save you from yourself.

3.You're going to become an expert on your city.
Taxi drivers are going to ask YOU for directions, since you'll have driven down every single street in your chosen area so many times. You'll know which are the good areas, which are the bad, and where the borders are between the two.

4.You're going to over-estimate your budget and handyman skills.
You'll tell yourself it's got a lot of potential, especially once you fix that fence, window, bathroom tile, carpet, paint, and porch. And you'll probably have to replace that water heater, water softener, stove, refrigerator and washer/dryer. But it's a great deal!

5. Your free-time is gone.
Time not spent sleeping or working will be spent driving through neighborhoods to gauge the area and look for sale signs. The remainder will be spent looking up houses on the internet, and boring your friends with house talk. They may start to avoid you. One or two will start looking for themselves and you can obsess together.

6. You're going to get your heart broken.
You almost never get the first house you make an offer on. Often you'll make an offer on several different houses you've fallen in love with, only to have your hopes crushed into powder each time until you finally find the house that loves you back.

7.You'll get by with a little help from your friends.
Once they know you're in the market, you'll be amazed at the outpouring of support, advice and references from the people you know. They'll tell you about open houses, give you referrals to realtors, offer advice about neighborhoods, and if you're lucky, help you move. Take it all in, because see #1 again.